Higher Than Bat Shit

Don't get it confused - don't get it twisted - I am a misfit
I hang with a gang - of Hooligans and Dip shits
Easily We flip Scripts - Talk crap like lip shits
Causing Conniptions - More Like Connip shits
I'm so spazz tastic with verbal gymnastics
I do back flips - while laughing at giraffe kicks
You get your ass kicked - laughing at my tactics
I'm madder than a monkey with a banana - that's plastic
I'm kinda drastic - punch lines like slap stick
Instant classic - Spit grease like chap stick
That's it - I said it - I'm that slick
Did you catch it- forget it - it's that quick
You can't match this - Spastic Sarcastic
Kid with a grin - Checking chins for some glass bits
Your like the fat Kid - who gets half a sandwich
Blowing a fuse - when he realizes that's it
Don't try to match wits - I'm sharp like a hatchet
battling me - you must be Higher than bat shit

Where Is Humanity?

Hello Blog World........ Sorry I left you
Without a dope script to flip through
 But the Fact is; Ive been here posted in the back. Kicked back like a lazy boy in a trailer park, sipping down a six pack of sorrow and guzzling down a jug of life. Wondering where has this world of writing been leading. I've watched people write about Kony 2012. And as admirable as it seems, I can't help to wonder where were the writers in 1986 when he came into his own rite?Where were the writers through the 1990's when he was building up the LRA. Where have they been since he was little to less talked about as he was charged for War crimes in 2005? Why wait until a unknown, unsteady half baked shell of a independent film maker post his video on YouTube to say something? Are you writing as a fad? Am I writing as a fad?

   I've been reading about a situation within my own state. Trayvon Martin; A young 17 year old kid with a hoody on, armed with a pack of skittles and an Arizona Iced Tea, and a cell phone  killed by a neighborhood watch citizen, for acts of Suspicion. When has being black with a hoody on, while walking home talking to girlfriend on phone been an act of suspicions? Why would we need public rallies from other states and cities, weeks after a heinous crime has been committed before a police chief is asked to step down for being incompetent? Why do we have to go through a weeks worth of cries for justice for an arrest?
 
 Well if this is the fad topic of late; then let it be that. But with these topics maybe what I'm questioning is "Where is Humanity? Where is human decency?" When will we learn to live side by side with people of different religions,cultures, beliefs,economic status,social status,sexual preference, etc. etc.

If living in fear because someone is different than you; Or you prejudge an individual because he or she stereotypically does not fit the demographic of given situation, there shall; nor ever will be any weight nor Merritt acceptable for finding resolve with violence..... Wake up World-Wake Up

Wake up with no blinders. Find these issues within yourself to help make a change. Lean about different cultures with respect rather than ridicule. Make effort to co-exist..

Better than the cliche of the word co-exist. For the future evolution of humanity, If ever are we expected to EXIST.

So as I close from my opening statement, I initially started to write, questioning where this writing thing was going. Was it going to be poetry, random nonsense, musical reviews, song lyrics. Was I going to write a book, maybe a script for movie or short film. Who knows. Maybe I'm generic as the term blogger and maybe I'll just write whats on mind. Maybe this is what I was meant to write..
                                                                                                           (Jack) Gordan E. Matteson
                                                                             Kid From Foreign (Buddha Monk) Peace........

The View From An Outsider

I see your pain and I'm sorry
I hear your heart beating with fear
I hear the tremble in your voice

How could this happen to me

I wish you can find the peace you need
I hope to see you smile soon
I know you deserve better

I don't know why this happened to you

I hate to see you cry
I hate the torment you feel
I wish I could take it away

But I'm an outsider looking in

I can only speak to comfort, knowing that all I say is a bandage that I provide to you.
It will not heal any wounds that are in place.
It cannot erase the memories of the good or bad.

You see
I have a shoulder - if you have a tear
Though it may not be the shoulder of choice
The shoulders still here

In life I'm sure we will come upon more rainy days
Coupled with more stories for the ages
I'm sure we will fade in and out of each others life
Maybe a little catch up here and there
A phone call - a text - a run in by chance
And it will always be worth it.

For every time I see you smile
For every time I make you smile
For every Hello
For every Good Bye
For every time we held each others head above the water....... It will always be worth it

From The View From Of An Outsider

Tying Knots

You told me a thousand times today of all the bad you see in me.
You never once mentioned the good.
Maybe I asked the wrong questions.
Maybe I asked the right ones to late.

You said I never took the time to know you.
Truth be told, I never got the time to know myself.
After twelve years I learned all your likes and dislikes
I learned all your quirks, body language, and fears.

Yeah I would say I know you pretty well.

Funny how I talked to a friend today and they said "You are do brilliant G. Sometimes it's hard to see that within ourselves. With brilliance comes insecurities, because our minds are to complex to understand what is within. People like us can look at a blue sky and see a thousand colors. But somehow we fail to see the greatness inside ourselves. You will be alright no matter what you do. In this life and the next."
You see a few years back before my dad passed away he told me something similar. he said that my mind is like a mile a minute for everyone else, but never slows down for my own. he said Einstein was so smart yet he couldnt tie his shoe laces so he opted for slip ons, and that sometimes my life is the slip on. Then he told me to learn to tie the knot.

So maybe I didn't see what happened because my mind saw it as something different.
Maybe coming home every night, not lying, not cheating, was not enough.
Maybe all the I love you and I'm sorry wore thin.
Maybe your right about my broken promises.

What I can say is that I never meant to hurt you.
I never meant to make you sad.
I wish I could take back whatever it is that pushed you away
But for now I need to learn to tie my own knot.

If You Only Knew

If you only knew how I felt
If you only knew how I got this way
If you only knew the humility I face every day sitting here

Still you cross my path with stares and snickers.
You cross my path with your head held up acting as if you never saw me sitting there.
I never spoke a word or had my hand held out

You cross my path holding your nose, to make it painfully obvious to others around that I smell less desirable.
You call me a beggar and a bum
A Whino or Junkie.

I have no sign or cup in my hand.
I have never claimed to be a disabled vet.
I have never asked for any handout.

If you only knew.
I was once a Proffesor.
I was once a Husband
I was once a Father
I was once a Uncle
Iwas once a Brother

If you only knew how I got this way

I onced lived a normal life with all the wants and needs as you.
I obtained a secure job with a higher than average pay and lived in a larger than average house.
I had both a High school diploma and College degree.
I had a beautiful wife and child.
I had what you would call a better than average life, with expensive toys and lavish clothing.
I didn't loose those material things because of any addiction wether it alchol or drugs or gambling.
What I did loose was my wife and child in a car accident.
What I lost was a will to live.
I would have traded all those things to have them back.
But you cross my path everyday with self judgement and combined stereo types, that all out here are the forgotten and lost souls who are lazy and useless. begging for their next fix of choice. We are outcast and low lifes......

If you only knew........ But you never ask.


In understanding that not all people in the world, act or feel that all homeless are this way,and not all homeless are scammers; It is important to recognize the actions and body language we present when crossing their path. While giving him or her spare change, food and clothes, is all fine; Sometimes they could also use human interaction. i.e. lenghty conversation. Not just how are you doing today and hang in there. But a genuine conversation of them as a person. It could be the change in their life that people do care about them and that there is hope and care in this world.... COMPASSION is felt by all..

I Am

I am Culture Freedom - like a Poor Righteous Teacher
I am the lesser of Kings.......
I am a Wise man riddled with more thoughts and less answers.
I wander with a band of fortunate fools, and break bread with the undesirables.
I have a doctorate in nothingness, yet a degree in humility.
I claim to know nothing, but understand everything about being a scholar of disdain.
I am a farmer planting food for thought.
Foraging the fruits of knowledge, I scan the plains searching for hidden sensibilities.
I am a Chef with ingredient's for a perfect disaster.
Yet I seek to find the aromatic pleasures that break down the senses to invade the palette,like a pirate pillaging a lost city of gold.
Only to be plagued with greed of wanting all in site, rather than the one perfect coin or bar.
I am a nomadic traveler with no sense of direction; Yet I know where Ive been and I know where I'm going.
I am a Compass of enlightenment......... Unravel Me

I Never Gave Thought..... A Letter to writers

I never gave thought of where you came from, or what your ethnic background was.
I never looked into our likes and differences.
You had something to say and I had an ear to listen.
You had something to write, and in turn provided me with reading material.
You provided insight and I gained perspective.
You write stories,novels,poetry's and reviews.
You speak on politics,religion,humanity.
You write the obvious and the obscure.
You measure your words with timing, leaving suggestive thoughts, unexpected twist, and sometimes riddled humor.
You write with facts,opinions,emotion and sceptisism.

With these I say to you; "I never gave thought"
Or have I?

Thank you to all who write and share...
                                                                                  Jack Gordan Earl Matteson

Apparitions Of Love

I am here in this after-Life, chasing After Life
At least; for one in particular.
You see I never got to gain a peace of mind on how you felt about me.
I never got a chance to ask if you ever imagined a future with me.
Was there marriage or family, were there kids and if yes,what were there names?

I was at my funeral standing by the oak tree.
I tried to call your name, but the rustling of the tree muted me into the whispers of the wind.
I wanted to see your face but it was covered in black lace.
And as you walked past with your head held low, I tried to grab your hand but my fingers just slipped through.

You paused for a second with this ora in your posture.
You turned and lifted the lace from your teared eyes.
And for a split second something in your face; a gesture that is hard to describe.
You can feel I'm there can't you?

What do I say to you?
Is there anything you want to say to me?
Silently I hear you say "I will always Love You"
And it seems you have stopped right in front of me and looked me in the face doing so.

How is this possible?
I am fading yet I feel as if I am glowing.
I will always love You too.
If only it weren't for those wet roads.

I was on the way to a Jewler to pick out a ring that day, when it happened.
Maybe my mind was not on full concentration to the rain and roads, as I was thinking of a thousand ways to ask you to marry me. Some were a bit romantic and some were down right silly.
When out of nowhere a car just like yours crossed the center line and hit my car head on.

Thats the last I remembered. ..... wait.... wait..... Why are there two gravestones?
I see alot of familiar faces from your side of the family.
I feel as If I am at your funeral too.
Then suddenly I felt a hand placed apon my shoulder.
And a soft whisper in my ears.
You are at my funeral.
I am also at yours.
I would have said YES
And yes there were children in my dreams.
Jack Jr. and Hailey if you must know.
And by now it should be obvious that it was my car.
And yes I can see you,feel you, and hear you,
So before we fade Let me hear you say "Love Always"

"Love Always Babe, Love Always"

Clueless To My Pondering

If you sit silently with your eyes closed,  you can see a cascade of colors dancing like a kaleidoscope at a State fair.
If you listen close enough you can hear a hollow buzz swirling around your very being as it echoes through your senses.
Stare at absolutely nothing and you can see space dust  and bubbles of light.
Is this Nirvana?
At these moments are we escaping our body or is this a form of self hallucinations?
Are We There Yet?
I am on the Great Space Coaster with purple Mushrooms waving at Willy Wonka !!!
Maybe its just a sugar rush as my insulin pen decides to play hide and seek during times of need.
No this is something else......
The tap dancing turtle even has a sign that says "No this is something else"
There is no Alice... Just Malice and Greed - Love and Hate
Devilish Angels who cannot Relate
To rules of riddles Set forth by the Proctor
Seuss was a character and surely was a --- Doctor I think he just flat lined_____________________;
Skip Skip said the murmur, Skip like a stone side arm slung across the lakes of imagination.
Skip everything you've learned in books
If I was a studious man, I would be the lesser of fortunate fools who has not learned a thing about the beauty of bliss and ignorance.
Passion of thought and creativity is the beating of my heart and the breath that speaks what is written...

Clueless to my Pondering

Self Reverence

I travel the plains of a empty mind
Climb the hills of a jumbled thought
I am a drifter - Wandering the wonders within
Searching for a word to express emptiness

Filling the void of passion
Bridging the gap of emotions - Or lack of
Who am I and how did I arrive at this place
I am a seeker

Steadfast to my convictions
I submit to an inner anguish
Listening to whispers of a tormented soul
Traveling the rails of a brain wave

A rebel to my fears - As I stand alone
Yearning to find an answer- I ponder my very existance
So I freeze the frame and adjust the pieces
Traveling the questions that hope to find answers

I am a wanderer..............Wondering
with disdained reverance

Asian Scholastic Misfits (Call Me Clever)

Two radical who were anti sabbatical
Asked me to solve their problem......Mathematical
The Asian kid can fix it - The Asian kid can fix this
But me trying to equate relates to an NFL pick six
So quickly I was dismissed - bags packed with a clinched fist
If only to bare witness - Asian Scholastic Misfits
Who scored low on the S.A.T's and clueless to an FCAT
You see; Me join a study group - You knew I'd say F-That
My English is so-so - Probably better than yours though
The teacher said to turn in an essay so I turned on Francisco
And Chewi and Pablo and Chico and Hector
Now their in jail - and you know what? I bet their
Pissed and Angry - Ready to Shank me
I did what the teacher said - So really they should thank me
Cuz I'm a genius in my own rights - A scope to my own sights
I Boil a mean water - so my Science is so tight.......ly
Wrapped with precision - Who needs your permission
To say what I say - and write what's not written
In manuals or study books - I got this word study shook
tremble with fear I am hear with a muggy look
So call me an outcast - call me what ever
Absurd with my words - Or just call me Clever

Silently Waiting

Silently waiting, I sit listening to world pass by
For all the birds chirping, the rustling of almost naked trees rattling in the winter breeze
The children's laughter of outdoor activities
Here I stand Silently waiting

The sounds that would normally put smiles on a face
In assurance that today is a good day and that the world is alright
I sit with a doldrum about my being
Here I am Silently waiting

Counting the days of past
Measuring the memories that have yet to fade
Yearning to hear the words that I long to hear
Silently Waiting for "I Love You Too"